How to Establish Healthy Boundaries and Why it Matters

/
How to Establish Healthy Boundaries and Why it Matters

No Boundaries? No Bueno! 

by Mari A. Lee, LMFT, CSAT-S 

"You get what you tolerate.” 
- Henry Cloud

Last night in my men's support recovery support group we talked about boundaries and expressing anger appropriately. This is such a challenging topic for so many human beings, including my clients dealing with sex and love addiction, and the partners and spouses of sex addicts. I thought I would take some time to offer a basic 101 lesson on boundaries, why they matter, and how to deal with boundary busters.

One of the first tools that I teach clients regarding boundaries is to:

Read More

How to Move through Trauma

/
How to Move through Trauma

"I don't want to talk about that stuff"

and other things I hear as a therapst

by Mari A. Lee, LMFT, CSAT-S 

I love the quote on the surfing Buddha image above. These wise words come from a wonderful healer by the name of Jon Kabot-Zinn who teaches, speaks and writes on the benefits of healing trauma. 

As a therapist, part of my role is to help clients heal from previous traumatic experiences. However, trauma is not always experienced in a person's life as a "Big T"  traumatic pain [such as post-war, abuse, bullying, death, molestation, illness, rape, or an affair]. Trauma can also be held in the body, mind and spirit when one has experienced on going, day in and day out, "Little T" traumas [such as a critical or controlling parent or sibling, and emotionally absent spouse, a depressed child, a series of broken relationships, an angry unpredictable boss, poverty, a job loss]. 

Read More

Dreamers, Dawdlers and Do-ers...Oh My!

/
Dreamers, Dawdlers and Do-ers...Oh My!
Dreamers get a bad rap these days. But, as long as I can recall, I have been a dreamer. When I was little and living in foster care for many years, I dreamt of finding a tribe I could belong to and moving to an island to eat coconut cream pies ala Gilligan. I dreamt of having ruby slippers and making good friends with a Scarecrow, a Tin Man, and a Lion. And, I dreamt of creating a safe home where consistency, creativity, fun and peace prevailed.

Many people told me my dreams were too big, and that I had my head in the clouds. And in darker moments with wounded people, I was told that I wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough, educated enough, or experienced enough to achieve my dreams.

They were wrong...
Read More

The Importance of Keeping Promises to Yourself

/
The Importance of Keeping Promises to Yourself
At this time of the year it is not unusual to hear people talking about goals. These might include everything from relationship renewal to weight loss. Conversely, the recent trend is to toss New Years resolutions right out of the window – too much pressure in an already fast paced world!

I was recently introduced to the concept of “naming your year” by a wonderful client I have been working with. This idea inspired me more than traditional resolutions because it felt far more motivating with far less stress. So…I am naming 2014 as my year to be fearlessly faithful. This inspired me to create a quarterly newsletter in order to support other people who are on their journey as well.

Naming Your Year When reflecting on your personal and professional dreams, does a word or name organically rise to the surface of your spirit in naming your year? If so, I encourage you to write this down and place it somewhere visible as a daily reflection. This affirmation then becomes a gentle reminder to help move you forward in honoring your goal or dream.

It's important to remember that every person on a journey of growth will encounter stumbling blocks along the way. At the top of the list are two major goal busters:

Perfectionism • Procrastination
Read More